12 things you thought while watching #Riverdale
I can't not watch this show. Thank you CW for creating the perfect guilty pleasure with a cast of moody AF 20-somethings who play 16 and 17-year-old high school students. Why didn't people at my high school look like Archie? (Also why am I attracted to someone with red hair?) Anyways below there might be some spoilers so don't read unless you're entirely caught up. Which obviously you are because #Riverdale is crack for millennials.
1. Miss Grundy isn't the old, crabby teacher from the comics. Instead, she's a smokin' hot twig with heart-shaped toddler glasses.
2. Betty must have a headache ALL THE TIME. Her hair is pulled back so damn tight.
3. Madchen Amick (aka Shelly Johnson from Twin Peaks) has the most tastefully done Botox ever. And she looks fucking amazing.
4. Also Betty's dad, Hal Cooper, is played by the same guy who played the personal trainer in A Night at the Roxbury...
"As a professional trainer, guys, I'm a little worried about your triceps."
-Craig the trainer
5. Archie's performance at the Riverdale talent show was like reading a sad handwritten book. Thank god Josie was #onpoint (even though her dad shits all over her #daddyissues)
6. Why are dance scenes shoved into teen dramas? I had to look away from the screen at this cringe-worthy moment. Watch below at your own risk. (Note: Nothing will beat the dance battle in #WhiteChicks...so everyone should stop trying)
7. Jughead never eats! Has he even tossed 30 burgers into his mouth yet?
8. Barb from Stranger Things escaped the Upside Down just to come back and basically play the same role as before: the nerdy yet sassy side-chick who has some unfortunate wardrobe choices, but we DGAF because at least she's back...#TeamBarb
New 'do, who dis?
9. The milkshakes at Pop's Chock'lit Shoppe look next level. I want one.
10. Could #Riverdale actually be a CANADIAN town? I mean, they had me at maple syrup. Also, who knew making tree nectar was so lucrative? I guess the Blossoms knew. ALSO WHY DOES THE BOARD OF THE SYRUP COMPANY HAVE SUCH AN INVESTED INTEREST IN CHERYL AND ARCHIE? They're 17, right??
How could the company's future hinge on whether or not a 17-year-old girl (whose brother has just been brutally murdered) is fit to run a maple syrup company?
Cheryl: What if I forget how to tap a tree?
Archie: Nonsense! It's just like riding a bike!
11. Luke Perry's reminds me of a Shar Pei.
12. Surprise: Molly Ringwald (#tbt) plays Archie's fire-haired mom -- and looks like a serial killer when she sees her son for the first time this season
I bet Mrs. Andrews is the one who killed Jason! (You heard it here first!!)
